Dear my teenage self,
First of all I want to say how sorry I am for the amount of pain you are in. I know it’s crippling and I remember how much it hurts to breathe. Not many people will fully comprehend just how much you are suffering but I do. You are so strong to keep living through this hell. It won’t last forever and you DO deserve your place on this earth. There IS room for you and despite what you believe, you bring your own kind of beauty. You don’t need to erase yourself. Keep pushing forwards because it really is worth the effort.
Life isn’t perfect and there will be times when it is downright agony. People are going to hurt you in terrible ways and people you think are your friends will betray you. I can’t stop that from happening but I can reassure you that you will get through it and you will meet absolutely wonderful people despite these events. The people who chose to harm you are the ones at fault, not you. You were vulnerable and in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don’t keep punishing yourself. Look after your body, treat it with compassion. It’s got you through more than you realise.
Don’t kiss boys because you feel pressured to. Don’t make bad decisions just so people will like you. Don’t let the ignorant opinions of people that don’t know the whole story make you feel invalidated and like you have to become ‘sicker’ for their approval. You pain is real regardless of what they say. I know because I felt it. I was there.
You are going to have to fight for the things you want in life but it will be worth it. You will have a beautiful family and get to bring a gorgeous little boy into the world. You will get to meet interesting, inspiring people that have so much to teach you.
Last and most importantly, It is going to be okay. I love you. I’m sorry for being so harsh with you. I’m working on it. You deserve better and I’m going to try.